Auto-Pilot

Dude. You know what drives me crazy? Betcha do. Bet it drives you crazy too.

Okay, imagine it...there you are, in the middle of your day, walking down the hall. You take a turn into the copy room, and there she is...CRAP.

Now, normally you're the sort of person that really, really tries to get along with everyone. This chick (We'll call her Cheryl, cuz who likes the name Cheryl?) though, drives you crazy. Despite her obnoxiously peppy attire, oblivious stare, and inability to adhere to any deadline, you don't have any rock solid reason to despise her...but you do.

Why does she drive you nutty?

You: Hey Cheryl.

Cheryl: OH! Hiiiiiiiiii! How was your weekend?

(Exaggerated smile, keeps making copies.)

You: Oh, not too bad. Kinda--

Cheryl: Oh, that's greeeeaaaat. (Already breaking eye-contact)

How's that little girl Layla? (her name is LE-LA...for the millionth time.)

You: Well, she's walking alr--

Cheryl: Oh, that's greeeeeat. How special for you.

(cheeks rise, making stupid-looking squinty eyes, begins walking away...)

I simply call it Auto-Pilot.

Auto-Pilot is what happens when we're around people that we KNOW care more for our opinion than we do for theirs. It's a response to irritating, non-stop talkers that go on and on about their nieces favorite type of "My Little Pony" while you're trying desperately to pack up to head home. It's what we do to survive those face-numbing conversations that don't quite deserve the ferocity of our harsh honesty.

When used, Auto-Pilot saves relationships, and helps us all keep our jobs. Auto-Pilot is a useful tool...usually.

However, Auto-Pilot usage has one critical rule:

1.) Be more socially aware or intelligent than your Auto-Piloted victim.

If you EVER fail to adhere to this rule, your Auto-Piloted conversation partner will immediately sense your ruse, and despise you for seemingly no reason. Auto-Pilot is a dangerous mistress.

You know it's true. You know when you're being Auto-Piloted by a dummy, and it's infuriating. The reason it's so frustrating is simple. Auto-Pilot says: "You're not worth sincerity, because you're too stupid to notice it's absence."