Friday, February 12, 2010

Unspoken notice...

There are a few times in life that are awkward regardless of your graciousness, or effort to do it the "right way."

"Hey, man...your uh, your fly is down." 

"What? No way, I'd never pee in the shower."

"I'm SO glad you dumped that chick.  She was such an idiot.
   I mean really, who says 'wolf' as 'wuff?'"
   "Yeah, we totally made up. We're going out again."
   ", she's hot at least, right?"

And finally, the event that leads me to this monologue to begin with: 

"To whom it may concern...I will be vacating my current position...benefited from this experience...
   hope you and your company all the best..."

Yeah, man.  It doesn't get any more awkward than working through your notice.  Even in the best possible scenarios, everything exists on two levels; spoken, and wish I'd spoken it.

Coworker: So you're leaving, huh?
actual thought:  You suck.  Now I have one less person to whine with.

You: Yep.  I really don't hate it here, it's just a really good opportunity.
actual thought:  I know, I know...but you'd leave if you could too.

Coworker:  Well, good luck.  We'll miss you!!!
actual thought:  you and I will never speak again.  This will not be the result of outright animosity, but instead is just the reality of work relationships.  We'll talk about maintaining communication on Facebook, but will in reality hide each other after we get tired of reading status updates that are unrelated to us, or our interests.  

Boss:  So you're moving on, aye?
actual thought:  you ungrateful so-n-so.  You come, learn a skill, and leave.  So glad we could be a stepping stone.  Oh well, at least I won't have to deal with all your requests off and cursing at machinery.

You:  Yeah, I've really enjoyed this job.  I don't have any ill-will–it's just an opportunity I don't think I can pass up.
actual thought:  jeez...why is he staring at me like that.  You'd think I just wizzed on his azaleas.

Boss:  Well, good luck.
actual thought:  Riiiiight.  Opportunity, opporschmunity.  I should have known you were bailing when you requested off sick twice in a month.

In some ways, I think work relationships would be easier if they were like romantic relationships.  Someone decides it's not working, they end it, they walk away and immediately call the relationship they broke up with you for.

On the other hand, in my experience that usually leads to dealing with a lot of questions, and explanations and summarily pathetic behavior.  I mean, really...why would ANYONE leave me?

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